Thoroughly Disgusted

I own a cleaning and concierge business and every now and then I have to step in and clean when an employee is out. Today was a traumatizing day.

We went to a two bedroom apartment to do a move-out clean. Well actually, the tenants were sub-leasing and the new tenants are going to move in tomorrow. I walk into the apartment and immediately wondered if I was cleaning up after some HUGE hamsters because there was shredded paper EVERYWHERE.....all over the floor in every room. Seriously, like they put it down to sleep on it or something.

I started in the kitchen - it took TWO HOURS!!!! All of the cabinets and cupboards were empty; well, except for the hair, stuck-on food, something that looked like the orange sand you see in sandboxes and sesame seeds.......IN EVERY SINGLE CABINET AND CUPBOARD - and in one cabinet I got to clean what looked like an entire spilled bottle of honey mixed with sesame seeds. I mean, who eats that many sesame seeds? Was the Hamburglar hiding somewhere? Plus, they use a lot of Turmeric.....and so there were yellow stains everywhere. It's like she opened up every container of food or spice she owned and just dumped it into her cabinets and drawers.

The stove was covered in a couple of layers of cooked oil, burnt rice and hair. That was fun. She looked at my face (I do not have a poker face and I am SURE I looked disgusted) and she said "how often should I clean my stove? Once a month?" REALLY LADY????? I said "if you cook every day, then you should wipe it down every day".....she looked at me so surprised and like I was crazy. Clearly....I'm the crazy one.

The best/worst part of the kitchen was the fridge. It too was empty, except for what looked like grass, gardening dirt, some red sticky stuff, of-course sesame seeds and...wait for it.....wait for it.....2 DEAD FLIES! I looked at the lady and said "you do realize flies have been in hibernation since the middle of October....right?" WHO HAS DEAD FLIES IN THEIR REFRIGERATOR?????? And then I thought maybe they eat them. I mean, why else would they be in her fridge?

I found out that they have lived in this apartment for 3 years; the couple, their two small kids and her parents. I realized that they have NEVER cleaned any part of the apartment and I came to the conclusion that they must have lived in the desert before this because there was sand everywhere. She also asked me what should she do when her kitchen sink overflows. She said it overflows every time she does dishes. I told her to turn off the water once the sink was full. Again, she looked surprised.

So then I moved into the bathroom - please stop reading if you have a weak stomach because this is going to get graphic. I walked into the master bathroom and let out a small shriek. The tub looked like it had not been cleaned EVER and like they take mud baths and never drain it. I am not even exaggerating. HAIR everywhere, red dots stuck on the door frames and again with the honey and sesame concoction...... ALL OVER THE WALLS. I didn't even want to imagine how the (blank) that got there. The toilet was covered in dried urine. I triple gloved my hands and put a mask on. Urine was all over the floor and the wall behind the toilet too. Like......can't this man see where he's going?????? He just aimed in the general direction I guess. And maybe she stood up when she peed - I mean I wouldn't put anything past this group of people.

BUT.....it gets better! My poor, poor employee who had to clean the other bathroom (I guess the parents and kids used this bathroom) looked like someone had explosive diarrhea - many times. It was down the outside of the toilet, on the side of the tub, on the walls and the vanity. I almost threw up and actually gagged a couple of times. It had been there a while...make no mistake about that. The tub had a black ring around it as thick as tar. It was unbelievable and I couldn't believe that people actually lived like this...with CHILDREN! How did they bathe them? Did they stand and hold them? Maybe they just rubbed some dirt or sand on them and called it a day.

The rest of the home was filled with shredded paper, sand and colored paperclips......everywhere. When I take a deep breath I can still smell and taste the cleaning supplies we used today. I would've rather set the place on fire - but sand doesn't catch on fire. She asked me if we would come and clean her new town home. HAHAHAHAHA.......yah, maybe if I invest in some Hazmat suits and gas masks. I'm pretty traumatized by the whole thing and just can't believe people live in such filth. Don't call us, we'll call you!

What do you know?

When I was a young girl, I came to know 4 things about myself that were true:

• I am dearly beloved of my family
• I understood “grown-up” things on a level way too mature for my age
• I was born with a self-determination and strength that I could call upon
• I could feel (to a very large extent) the pain and suffering of others

Realizing this at a fairly young age has largely shaped who I am today. I can look back on the many times in my life that knowing these truths has helped me in one way or another.

I remember when I was about 10 years old; overhearing a conversation my father was having with his mother about me. He was telling her about a couple of things I had done to help around the house and some things I had done for my younger brother and sisters and what a special little girl I was. He then said something I will never forget. He said in a tearful voice, “She is my beloved Kara, my beautiful girl, and I know why she was sent to me.” The word “beloved” has always stayed with me. I knew that this was a unique term of endearment. When you know you are loved so dearly, you can make it through anything that comes your way.

Growing up, I was my mother’s shadow. I loved being around her and I loved that my friends loved being around her. She was my mother but she was also fun to be with and I could tell her anything. Many times I would choose to run errands with my mother rather than be with friends. I truly enjoyed her company and I loved the talks we had. Children learn at the feet of their parents. It was with her that I realized that I understood “grown-up” things. Right after my father passed away, I was able to step in and almost co-parent with my mother because I had been with my mother so much and really did understand exactly what was going on. There were many times my mother would come to me for advice and we actually talked things through and made decisions for the family together. It didn’t seem odd to me, it seemed natural.

Now, this is kind of gross, but it’s the very first time I realized that I had self-determination. I was born with extremely dry skin and for some reason at night my legs would itch so bad that I would scratch them until they bled. We tried baths, creams, and steroids….everything. Nothing seemed to work. I was five years old and I wanted so badly not to scratch my legs anymore – they were covered in scabs (told you it was gross) and would bleed and I HATED it. One night I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to scratch my legs anymore. I said a prayer and I lay on my hands and cried ALL night because the itching was unbearable but I was determined not to scratch. The next night was the same scenario. I prayed and I lay on my hands and cried but would not scratch my legs. Every night I felt a little stronger and that I was going to break this habit and for a little five year old mind, this was remarkable. At the end of the week, my legs were almost completely healed and the itching was ALMOST gone. I realized that if I prayed and was determined to do something, I could.

I have always known that my heart is tender, especially when dealing with children or old folks. Sometimes it is very annoying because I tear up easily. The earliest memory of really feeling someone else’s pain was when I was 13. I was volunteering at a Special Olympics at the gymnastics section. I absolutely loved it. These kids were so amazing and so thrilled to be there and it was a humbling experience for me. There was a little girl – around 10 years old whose balance beam routine consisted of walking across the beam and jumping off at the end. She fell off the beam probably 8 times as she was trying to finish her walk down the beam. (The beam was not far off of the ground). Every time she would fall we would cheer her back onto the beam until she finally completed her routine and was grinning from ear to ear. I turned around just in time to see her run into her father’s arms for her congratulations. He completely broke down and I knew that he was proud of her but I also felt the pain he was feeling and I understood. I have been able to not only sympathize but also empathize with people who are in pain. I am grateful that I am able to do so because it has enabled me to help people in a way I wouldn’t be able to if I couldn’t experience for myself what they are feeling.

All of these things I learned about myself at a fairly young age. All of these things have helped me throughout my life in the various roles that I play as a Daughter, Sister and Friend. These are just my first memories of attaining this knowledge about me; I have been able to grow and expand these truths and have experienced amazing things.

I have also learned an even greater and deeper truth. That is, that everyone is given gifts that they can recognize and then cultivate so that they can help serve others. Figure out what your gifts are. You have them. I have been able to love others as I am loved. I have been able to go into dire situations and show maturity in order to handle things for people that they were not able to handle at that time. I have been able to call upon my self-determination and strength in order to show some that anything is possible and lastly, I have been able to comfort the sick or grieving because I am able to feel what they feel.

Everyone has gifts that can be used to help others. I challenge YOU to figure out what gifts you have and then go forth and serve.

"Are you Happy?"

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."

Last night a friend asked me "Are you happy?" and I answered "Yes, I have a great family, amazing friends, I own a business and I love my life".

I have been thinking about that question all day and why I was able to answer that question the way I did. I have come to the conclusion, that it is because I am surrounded by wonderful people who help me to be happy, to stay grounded and to always keep the big picture in mind.

Only those closest to me know what the past few years have truly been like for me. The many trials that caused tears too many to number. My army of friends surrounded me, picked me up and fought beside me to make sure I arrived at the place I am now.......Happiness.

I can't tell you exactly when I arrived, or even the exact route that I took , I just know I am here. There is a peacefulness that resides in my heart, a sense of joy and excitement, and a content feeling that I have never felt before.

I am not so naive to think that trials will not come my way again....they surely will. I will summon my army of friends and we will once again battle our way back to happiness....together. We are tried and true warriors. Sometimes we are the ones calling for help and sometimes we are the ones running to the aid of the one calling.

I am happy. I have a wonderful life. Not everything is "perfect", nor will it ever be while on this earth but it is a wonderful feeling to know for sure I am never alone in my trials. God has always blessed me with amazing people in my life to make things bearable, to strengthen and uplift, and to love me with an unconditional love. I am happy.